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Help, My Roomate's Gay!
"I'm Gay..."
Your heart is racing. You're not sure what to think. You feel a little uneasy, maybe a lot. Your roommate has just made clear to you what you had already thought; maybe you had no idea at all. You are no longer wondering what's up with your roommate, but now you're wondering how you are going to deal with his or her homosexuality. Time seems to stand still for just a moment as you look into each others eyes, both wondering what your reaction will be.
It could just as easily be your office mate. Maybe instead of, "I'm gay," this person with whom you spend so much time in such close quarters has said instead, "I'm bisexual." Maybe someone else had already told you; maybe everybody else seems to have known already. Maybe you're thinking about what this means for your relationship, or for your reputation. But right now you have someone before you who's revealed something so personal and important that you must respond. What do you say? What do you do?
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If something is difficult for one roommate, that difficulty is likely to affect the other. Your roommate may have a keen interest in how you handle this disclosure. What you think and feel about your roommate matters. Like yourself, your roommate is a precious person made {mosimage}in the image of God. Like yourself this person is a sinner, prone to doing the wrong thing and to taking things the wrong way. Like yourself, your roommate doesn't know what is going to happen next, and may be a little ill at ease waiting to see your reaction.
You may feel a tension between standing up for what you think is right and living out what you believe. Standing for the truth and acting in love can seem almost completely at odds with each other. This is a kind of pressure Christians feel all the time, but homosexuality is such an emotional issue it can heighten the tension. Sharing a common space with someone usually involves conflict, and living or working together everyday creates a lot of opportunities for friction. If you are a Christian, these conflicts are also opportunities to extend the grace of the gospel.
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What NOT to Do
Before considering what positive things you can do to extend this grace to your roommate, you might want to take the time to make sure you avoid some common mistakes that may interfere with showing God's love. Things you will want to be sure NOT to do include the following:
Scold - Yes, it is of course appropriate and even necessary at times to communicate clearly to people what God says is true about their conduct, even or especially when what they are doing is sinful and destructive (Ezekiel 3:17-21). Nevertheless, believers frequently give in to the temptation to feel better about themselves and their situation by communicating God's truth in a condescending, self-righteous, impatient and/or indignant manner. What's the difference between speaking boldly and simply scolding? Your heart. Let's face it; you, like every human being, are prone to sin with your speech, and to be proud in your heart, and to be irritable at having to deal with something you'd rather not deal with at all, especially when it involves conflict. You need to take a long look (and maybe a second or third look) at your own heart and motives before you pronounce God's judgement in God's name on your roommate's homosexuality (James 1:26).
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