11 Jan 2018
For all of us, it’s no secret that pornography is everywhere on the internet. And with the startling rise of mobile devices, and their ability to hook us to keep looking at them, then the problem with pornography is only getting amplified. We have to begin asking ourselves hard questions. We have to protect our children—and yes, even ourselves.
Click here to read more about what Cooper is talking about on his blog: “Is It Time to Walk Away from Our Mobile Devices?”
11 Jan 2018
The proverbial kid in the candy store is a striking portrait, and so is our obsession with mobile devices, porn, and the internet. Permeated by a wonderland of mobile devices with varied apps and social media platforms, the internet via our smart devices has become a major highway to porn.
As parents, we rightly yearn for the details of helping our children deal with porn and manage their devices: the filters and accountability software to use, screen-free zones in the house, etc. The concern for managing technology, however, is asking how to rightly eat the candy.
But I’m concerned that we’ve refused to acknowledge that the candy might be laced with cyanide.
I’m concerned that we’re not questioning the assumed blocks of our 21st-century existence.
I’m concerned, because if we’re not asking deeper questions, pornography usage, which is closely connected with smart devices, will further rise like an overwhelming wave to consume our children.
On January 6, 2018, some of Apple’s shareholder’s, owning some $2 billion in stocks, sent Apple an open letter urging them to address recent, scientific findings about the addictive and harmful effects of smartphones among teens. The science is pretty compelling. Consider also Tristan Harris, a former design ethicist at Google who has launched a new initiative for more ethically-conscious tech in light of his own knowledge of how the industry works to manipulate our time. Check out his TED talks here and here and some of his articles here, and here. If our devices seem designed to keep us coming back for more like a Pavlovian dog, and if pornography is as ubiquitous as we all know it to be, let’s pause.
More basic than management of our devices is the worldview by which we live. As parents, along with ways to help our children manage the internet and their mobile devices, are we coming to terms with our own worldviews—and helping our kids come to terms with theirs—which oftentimes assume an enslaving normality?
If our devices seem designed to keep us coming back for more like a Pavlovian dog, and if pornography is as ubiquitous as we all know it to be, let’s pause.
Jesus said, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell” (Matthew 5:29-30).
Implicit in His words is a love for Him that surpasses anything else on this planet. In the wake of Him, every minute detail of life, even the thing that seems so indispensable, is to be filtered through this question: will this contribute to me following Jesus?
One of the goals, then, of discipling our families is to help cultivate in them a love for Christ that will enable them to formulate worldviews which are radically oriented around the Kingdom of God. To be sure, evil doesn’t begin in the candy store; sin begins in our own hearts. But the candy store can play a significant role in how our flesh roams. Assuming, then, that there’s more to be done than managing our devices, let’s turn our attention to the candy itself.
Question the Closeness of the Internet
In helping both ourselves and our children avoid pornography, what’s a more basic worldview question than, what are the best filtering and accountability options?
It’s this: is having the internet so close to us all the time facilitating our walk with Christ? For the child, and the parent, who is struggling with porn and tempted constantly, the answer is an emphatic no. In light of Christ, we must have the courage to act on that answer.
But even if we and our children are not so engaged with porn, shouldn’t we all be concerned with having such a potentially destructive force in our hands at all times? Because of our own weakness, the addictive design of the smart-phone, and the prevalence of porn, perhaps we should all question the accessibility of the web in our lives. What if we actually removed our capabilities to access the internet on some of our devices altogether? What if, through our use of filtering software, we implemented times throughout the day during which we can’t access the internet?
To be sure, evil doesn’t begin in the candy store; sin begins in our own hearts. But the candy store can play a significant role in how our flesh roams. Assuming, then, that there’s more to be done than managing our devices, let’s turn our attention to the candy itself.
Question the Smartness of Smart Technology
Maybe we should also thoughtfully ponder the role that smart technology plays in our lives. Let’s bring our phones, our tablets, our watches, our TVs, and everything else that we can use before the feet of Jesus. Perhaps the better question is not, “how do I manage this device?” but rather, “should I even have this device?” Before we rejoice that we aren’t like that guy over there looking at porn regularly on his smartphone, we should also remember that we are more like that guy than we would often care to admit. It only takes one moment of weakness, and we are very weak. It might be time to regress to a dumb phone.
At the very least, it is time to admit that these devices are beginning to own us, and our kids, and we must no longer be passive in allowing our children and us to keep on deepening our addiction to them.
Christians have always questioned the foundations of the culture in which they lived. Instead of accepting those assumptions as normative, I want my children, and myself, to bring those assumptions of our modern culture into the light and ask hard questions of them. Are we helping our kids form worldviews that perceive the supremacy of God in Christ as the ultimate point of life? Are we helping them to experience an alternate life, a life filled with actual human beings, actual relationships, and true, sacrificial love? Or are we simply digesting the norms of our culture, without thoughtfully vetting them through a Christ-centered worldview?
Jesus knows that anything we give up on this side of eternity will be nothing compared to what is now given to us in Him and what will be given to us by Him when we reach the other side. As we start the New Year, if we centered the discussion around our devotion to Christ, with His splendor, glory, and superior beauty, and asked hard worldview questions of the assumed pillars of our 21st-century existence, we might stand out, for example, at restaurants as people who engage others and are not consumed with our screens. We might find a measure of sanity concerning porn. And, most importantly, we might become more thoughtful, intentional, and devoted followers of our Lord.
Cooper talks more about this on his accompanying video: Is It Time to Walk Away from Our Mobile Devices? These short videos can be used as discussion starters in small group settings, mentoring relationships, men’s and women’s groups, etc.
14 Dec 2017
Like millions of others, I felt another gut punch recently. Another high profile person facing allegations of sexual misconduct, this time NBC personality, Matt Lauer. Really?! Another allegation? Him too? Gut punched. Another nice guy—I thought!—outed for sinful, selfish acts.
Apparently, according to a Google search, there have been more than 80 publicized sexual harassment allegations against actors, politicians, artists, athletes, musicians, corporate titans, and more. The media hasn’t categorized these acts as sin, but instead, have used a variety of words to depict these sexually-selfish actions since the Harvey Weinstein scandal broke in October. Slow down and listen to the sound of these words. Harassment, misconduct, assault, degradation, rape, abuse, inappropriate and non-consensual touching and advances.
Do you fully realize the impact of these acts in the lives of those who have endured them? In my ministry, about 80% of the women who confess their personal struggles with sexual sin to me also confess the sexual sins of others done against them. These kinds of sinful actions inflict long-lasting damage in a woman’s life!
So even though the Matt Lauer story gut-punched me, I have celebrated and done my own fist-pumping over the past months as these allegations have exposed abusers. Exposing sin is important!
Accusations and allegations are one way to address these horrible experiences. When someone alleges the wrong acts of another, she is, essentially, confessing the sin of another; she is exposing, as Ephesians 5:11-13 says, the deeds of darkness, making them visible so that justice might be done.
I wonder how different it would be if some of these men would have come forward and acknowledged their behavior before the allegations outed them.
But although going public was, in perhaps most of these cases, the only way these evil actions could have been exposed, I still grieve that it had to come to that. There is another way, but it places the responsibility on the one accused.
Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Hmm, a sober promise and a sweet one alongside each other. Concealing, or covering up sin, leads to a lack of prospering, or God-honoring success and victory in this life.
Here’s the sweetness of this verse: confessing (honestly acknowledging) and forsaking (intentionally abandoning) our sin against another leads to God’s merciful, compassionate love and forgiveness pouring into one’s soul and life. An instant removal of sin’s consequences and scars? No. Easy, painless restoration? Again, no. But a soul right with God, free of guilt and shame and now enabled to take the next steps of costly obedience? Yes!
I wonder how different it would be if some of these men would have come forward and acknowledged their behavior before the allegations outed them? I know that might be expecting way too much; a great many of these sexual offenses were particularly dark and destructive. Behaviors like these live in the dark, they feed on power and control, and exposure to light is the very thing they avoid at all costs. These men and their behaviors deserve the harsh exposure to light for all to see.
But now I’m thinking of the women I work with. How much different, perhaps, would their lives now be if any of the men—many who were as involved in the church as these women were, men who identified as believers—would have come forward, on their own, and acknowledged their sin. I wonder how many, while continuing to live in fear of being found out, have, at some level, been moved by the cries of those they hurt. But they remain in the darkness because they fear what exposure will do to them.
And the Harvey Weinsteins and the Matt Lauers of this world give them evidence of what can happen.
But God offers a way out, a better way out.
There are consequences and scars from sin that will remain for all of us while we live on this earth. However, God’s way for the damage of sin to be healed (in both offender and offended) is to bring the sin into the light: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16a).
Have you sinned sexually against someone? Have you pursued someone selfishly, without consent—touching, groping, kissing, sending unsolicited sexual images, speaking sexually derogatory words, manipulating someone into sex, forcing someone? Look, the excuse that many of these men gave that these actions were consensual is pure obfuscation; they pursued what they wanted on their selfish terms. They thought they could get away with it.
Dear man or woman: God is pleading with you to confess and abandon your sin and to be washed in his mercy. But you must “self-allege:” I am a sinner needing grace and Christ’s washing! I am feeling trapped by these behaviors; drawn compulsively toward them. You must forsake and renounce: I will flee this sin, seek the help I need, humbly ask for forgiveness, willingly seek restoration, and courageously entrust the consequences of my obedience to Jesus.
These faith steps will take courage. They will be costly and painful; they will feel humiliating. Your sin has also been costly, painful, and humiliating to those on the receiving end of your selfish acts. But God’s good news is for you! God’s grace and mercy are yours for the taking, yours for what God has wanted to lavish upon you all along: forgiveness and freedom which only comes by dying to self.
And death to self starts with confession.
Watch Ellen talk more about this on her accompanying video: Why is it best for you to confess your own sin? These short videos can be used as discussion starters in small group settings, mentoring relationships, men’s and women’s groups, etc.
14 Dec 2017
The wave of sexual misconduct allegations is something the likes of which we have not seen. There’s a lot of good coming out of this exposing of sin—terrible sin, overwhelmingly against women. Healing is happening because of this exposure. But a deeper healing is possible if only the offender would take the first step. After 10 years of ministry to women at Harvest USA, Ellen Dykas shares her thoughts on one key way to respond biblically.
Click here to read more on what Ellen is saying on her blog: Confession: Better Than Allegations.
07 Dec 2017
As a youth minister, it’s an already confusing task to lead youth to the feet of Jesus when you yourself need to take the journey. How can we, as youth ministers, bear students’ sins and sufferings when we’re barely holding on? How can we lead youth to streams of living water when we’re dying in the desert?
And then throw porn into the mix. Some churches call for an all-out air strike on any of their staff who might wrestle with pornography: the staff position will be taken away, and the staff person will leave in shame. While we don’t have time to get into church policy, the measures taken by any church should be nuanced enough to vary by situation. But as youth ministers, how can we ourselves move forward? What are some initial categories we can keep in mind?
Confession to My Spouse, Boss, or Mentor?
Placed in context, the richness of James’ teaching on confession becomes apparent:
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working (5:13-16, ESV).
Confession does help others hold us accountable, but more than that, confession is a means for others to join their healing prayers for us with the two Divine intercessors, our Great High Priest and the Spirit (Romans 8:26-27, 34). Sin says, “Don’t confess. No one can be trusted.” Jesus says otherwise. Sin casts confession as insecurity and defeat. Jesus casts confession as a means to healing. Confession is scary, and I always wrestle with it whatever my sin. But I’ve got to lean into what I know is true: God says there is healing here, not destruction.
If there is a pattern of confession already taking place in your marriage, confess to your spouse. I understand there are a whole host of issues that need to be addressed, from the support your wife needs after hearing your confession to how often you confess to your wife, but I always air on the side of transparency. But should you confess to your boss? It certainly depends on the type of church culture you are in and, more particularly, the relationship you have with your boss. This needs to be in the equation at some point, but I would suggest you first start elsewhere. What about a peer? I certainly think so, but peers usually do not have the grey streaks of wisdom that come with age and experience. That grey-streaked wisdom can help to lift us from the mire, instead of simply commiserating with us in the midst of it.
Consider confessing to someone older and wiser, preferably someone in ministry, who has demonstrated not only a record of humility but also a record of being able to shoulder other people’s burdens. This person will be able to both empathize with you and point out potential blind spots in yourself.
The urgent call is clear: we need to brainstorm ways, to whomever we confess, to practically turn from our sin and turn to Jesus. At minimum, it will mean installing filtering and accountability software on all devices you use. But it could also mean getting rid of smartphones or personal computers altogether. It could mean setting up times of Bible study and prayer with the person to whom you confess. It will certainly mean making a habit of daily prayer to cast ourselves upon our God. The key is practical, daily repentance, not lofty, vague goals.
As a youth leader, you are already serving. But as a way to battle the inward spiral of selfishness that porn facilitates, let’s look for ways for you to serve more. Can you set up regular times to do the dishes for your wife or husband instead of surfing the Internet? Can you set up a standing meeting with students that will interfere with your usual time of looking at porn (i.e., early breakfasts, dinners)? With the person to whom we confess, it’s good to brainstorm little, practical ways that we can further love and serve others for the kingdom of God.
All of the above ideas – confession, repentance, and love – happen in the midst of a relationship with someone we trust. I would strongly advise finding older and wiser men and women who can serve as mentors for us. This could mean having a standing meeting where we talk about life, stress, good things, hard things, or anything at all. During these meetings spend time in prayer, walk through a book on Christian living together, or simply read Scripture.
Pornography thrives in the darkness of isolation. It is best dispelled in the light of relationship with others.
When Do We Need to Exit Ministry?
When is pornography a disqualification from ministry? My first response is: I don’t know. If we continue to harbor the secret sin of porn and do not confess and ask for help from anyone, then clearly we have no business in ministry, where openness and honesty in the light of Christ should be the norm. On the other hand, if the presence of pornography is simply ubiquitous, infused into our lives with power and influence, and if taking the steps above are not leading to measurable evidence of practical repentance and change, then yes, step away from ministry. Here is when you need to ask your supervisor for their input and honestly submit to your local church.
I think a certain posture is key, however, in being able to do this: we need to be so focused on Christ and His faithfulness in practical ways that everything else in our lives, including our jobs, can be up for grabs. We need to ask at least two question of ourselves. The first is, are we going to be helpful to others if we continue to struggle like this with porn? The second is, am I giving myself time to heal, obey, and follow Jesus if I’m struggling so much with porn and trying to lead others to Jesus?
Jesus Chose You
Overall, it is difficult to reconcile our own sin with the leadership task we have been given as youth ministers. But we also need to recognize that God has chosen sinners to act as youth ministers; He has chosen us in our weakness and sin to point others to Himself. Jesus’ words are obvious, but I often forget the obvious: “‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners’” (Mark 2:17). Still, just because Jesus chose sinners to do his work does not mean that we should continue in youth ministry. Wisdom and input from others is crucial.
Whether we continue in our job or not, we must remember that Jesus came for people like us and has united us to Himself in a Spirit-forged bond. The Spirit residing within us is power to engage the fight passionately and relentlessly. He will not give up on us. And that truth is water to a desert-ridden soul, hope for the confused youth minister, and fuel to keep leading others to the very same Savior that we ourselves so desperately need.
You can watch Cooper talk more about this on his accompanying video: What does a youth minister do when he struggles with porn? These short videos can be used as discussion starters in small group settings, mentoring relationships, men’s and women’s groups, etc.
People in ministry struggle as much as anyone with the sexual temptations that are all around us today. But for those in ministry positions—particularly those who work with youth—there are struggles and dangers unique to them if they are caught up in viewing pornography.
For more of Cooper’s insights, click here to read his related blog: Help! I’m a Youth Minister Struggling with Porn!
02 Nov 2017
I, like every other father in the world, have a perfect daughter. My four-year-old princess is the only girl among four children. In theory, I know that my “perfect” daughter is a sinner. In reality, I actually believe that somehow she miraculously dodged the infection of original sin. At least, that’s the best rationalization I have in the fantasy-based, biased view I have of “daddy’s special girl.” Given her long, Shirley Temple curls, radiant smile, and warm personality, can you blame me?
This sentimental conception of my precious daughter works fine now as she currently emerges into “big girl” phase from toddlerhood. However, this naiveté will present major problems for her if I cling to it as she starts to enter school.
In my years of youth ministry, I have watched parents struggle to accept the realities about their maturing children. It’s hard. It’s sad. It’s a source of grief. We mourn our babies growing up and progressing toward adulthood. But here’s the truth: children do not remain babies forever.
I often have observed parents resisting this struggle in conversations about pornography and Internet protections. I tell all parents in all talks about technology in our church that they need an Internet reporting device on any screen to which their child has access. Just checking the Internet history is insufficient as 70% of kids admit to erasing history or concealing online activity from parents.¹
More times than I can count, I have suggested to parents of middle school boys that they install a filter and reporting device on their children’s phone and tablet. Too often, I have watched in amazement as parents suggest that their 14 or 15-year-old boy isn’t interested in things like that yet. He’s still so young.
I understand the struggle. I do not want to admit that my precious angel ever could have an interest in pornography. I can hardly imagine the thought of her receiving a sext solicitation from some teenage punk—and caving to the pressure. However, two sources tell me that I should not be so foolish.
If you have a boy, I promise you, that boy really wants to look at pornography. Porn is an incredibly powerful temptation for your son. Statistics suggest that your daughter has enough of a temptation to look at pornography that the risk warrants protecting her.
First, statistics tell us that the rate of teens accessing inappropriate material online is rampant. In the United States, 93% of boys and 62% of girls have looked at pornographic videos online before the age of 18.² And 54% of young people ages 18-22 admitted that they engaged in sexting while they were minors.³
The second (and more reliable) source, which warns of the risks and temptations of teenagers, is Scripture. The Bible does not paint a pretty picture of the human condition. Jesus said that “people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil” (John 3:19). Not “people have a mild attraction to” or “people stumble from time to time,” but people love darkness.
James writes that temptation is not simply evil wooing us from the outside. He said, “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire (James 1:14, emphasis mine). Our sinful nature wants to be tempted because it is inherently attracted to darkness. He does not say that the flesh tempts some people but that it tempts “each” and, thereby, every person.
Here’s what I am saying about your child’s inherent sinfulness as it relates to sexual sin and technology. If you have a boy, I promise you, that boy really wants to look at pornography. Porn is an incredibly powerful temptation for your son. Statistics suggest that your daughter has enough of a temptation to look at pornography that the risk warrants protecting her.
As challenging as accepting this reality may be, your children—like my children—have not escaped the effects of the fall. They have a natural affinity to sin sexually. Of course, your child needs you to be their champion and cheerleader who believes the best in them. Simultaneously, your child also needs you to be the responsible adult who realizes that his or her sinful flesh can lead them into very damaging places if they are not protected. If parents cannot accept their child’s inherent sinfulness and take action, then they will endanger their child.
Jesus said “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:29). He exercises hyperbole here in telling people to exercise whatever means possible to distance themselves from temptation and sin.
While Christ’s words here pertain to our own sanctification, this principle can be extrapolated to parenting, as well. Technology opens doors to sexual sin for your child—so close them. Install a filter/monitoring system on every device and apply parental controls.
Parents, I plead with you, do not be naïve. Protect your child.
³Van Ouytsel J; Ponnet K; Walrave M. “The associations between adolescents’ consumption of pornography and music videos and their sexting behavior,” Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2014 Dec; 17(12): 722-8.
31 Aug 2017
For those who struggle with life-dominating sexual struggles, repenting is something that is hard to do. We resist it. We run from it. Why? Bob Heywood talks about the reasons why it’s so hard — and what the one key thing you need to do to stop resisting.
Click to read Bob’s blog on this: Repentance and Resistance.
31 Aug 2017
Repentance and Resistance
Repentance is a hard thing to talk about. We might have a certain confidence in our ability to articulate what the Bible says about repentance, but when we take an honest look at our repentance, in the light of what we know the Bible teaches, we can become very discouraged. Truth be told, we don’t know what a life of repentance is supposed to look like. When was the last time you talked about it in your home Bible study group? Around your dinner table? With your friends?
Are we modeling repentance in our churches? Jack Miller, the author of Repentance and the 20th Century Man, said that the leaders of the church (pastors, elders, deacons, etc.) should be the lead repenters. In other words, the congregants should know what repentance looks like by observing the lives of their leaders.
How true is that in your church? Martin Luther said, “When Jesus Christ said, ‘Except you repent you will all likewise perish,’ he was not talking about a one-time event but rather a life time of repentance.”
I resist repentance because of my deep sense of shame over my sexual sin. I find it hard to believe God could love a pervert like me.
I think about this subject a lot because the men who come to Harvest USA struggle with the reality of going to church and feeling like they’re the only ones who need to repent.
For them, not only is repentance not modeled well for them, repentance is a hard thing to do. They resist it and believe me, I know what that resistance is like in my own life.
I resist repentance because of my deep sense of shame over my sexual sin. I find it hard to believe God could love a pervert like me. Feeling like a pervert is a shame-based self-identity that sticks to us like tar.
I resist because I feel like I’ve sinned my way past God’s desire to pursue me. I’ve gone too far, I’ve sinned too much. He’s not going to want me anymore.
I resist because I haven’t made myself good enough again for him. I first need to pray more or read the Bible more or tell more people about Jesus. I got work to do.
I resist because I simply can’t believe he would accept me right here and now.
To be honest, I resist God simply because He is God! He is too big for me to take in. Too much holiness for me. Too sovereign for me. He knows too much about me. When the Psalmist says “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain” (Psa. 139:6), I think to myself, I’m not even going to go there! I resist some more.
These are all lies that shame tells me about myself.
The only way I can do what I need to do—which is to resist those lies!—is to speak truth to myself. Truth about what repentance really is.
And it starts with this truth. You need to first repent of your inability to receive God’s love and grace for you. Let me explain how this first step leads us to freedom and joy.
I believe that faith and repentance are opposite sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other. You obviously need faith and repentance to be saved, and I don’t believe God is asking for two different things. As you begin to believe — you are starting to repent. That’s why if we take an honest look at our faith we can get discouraged. Jesus said, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you” (Luke 17:6).
So this is again what I’m saying to anyone struggling with sexual behavior you can’t seem to stop—you need to first repent of your inability to receive God’s love and grace for you.
I don’t know about you, but when I read this, I realize that I must have very little faith. And while that’s true, here’s a bigger truth I have to speak to myself: It’s not my faith that saves me, it’s the object of my faith that saves me.
It’s the same thing with repentance. It’s not my repentance that saves me; it’s who I’m turning to. It’s not how sincere I am, but how sincere God is. That is the reason we are saved by faith and not by love. If our salvation depends on our love for God we immediately turn love into a work that we have to do.
Then our conversations with God sound like, Why don’t you believe I love you, God? Or, What else do you want me to do? Let’s stop looking at what we bring to the table and look at what Christ brings to the table. Hey! That’s something to repent of! God doesn’t need to believe us. We need to believe Him.
So this is again what I’m saying to anyone struggling with sexual behavior you can’t seem to stop—you need to first repent of your inability to receive God’s love and grace for you.
But here’s the second thing to know about repentance. God will take you places where you can’t avoid Him. The verse before Psa. 139:6 says, “You hem me in, behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.” And Peter said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).
God has cornered me with nowhere else to go but to Him. Perhaps you are feeling this right now. But the good news is, when I look at my behavior as the very thing Jesus died for, I’ve got no other alternative but to submit to Him. Nobody else points directly at my sin and calls it what it really is. His blood is the only honest solution for my dilemma.
I submit to Him when I’m honest with Him about my sin. When I learned that my sexual struggle was not just a habit I couldn’t stop doing, but it was idolatry and turning to something else besides God for my source of comfort and strength, then I could confess accurately. I could thank God for opening up my eyes to see things as they really are.
Then another truth hits me: I have really sinned, but God really loves sinners!
To me, that is what a life of repentance looks like. Appreciating more and more God’s character that we can’t help turning to Him. His perseverance with us is disarming. We can’t avoid Him. So we find ourselves acknowledging the movement in our hearts away from Him and His will, but that doesn’t have to stop us from turning back toward Him. Because we know of His eternal commitment to us for His glory.
Understanding the reasons for our resistance enables us to truly repent.